The first two weeks of January tend to be a challenging time of year. I spent most of the this weekend alternating between laughter and tears as I absorb that Mom left this world 8 years ago. Our relationship was good, but complicated, as mother-daughter relationships often are- she was strong willed, opinionated and her vision of my life didn't always jibe with my own. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about mom and miss her.
What shook me out of it a bit, was an email sent my my cousin in law. My uncle has alzheimers and now my cousin needs to sort out what is best for him. And, her mother is in need of surgery. Another friend just lost her beloved uncle. And my boss's younger brother is terminally ill. For the first time, I find myself grateful that while Mom's death was completely unexpected, she was spared Alzheimers, which I think was where she was heading. We were already seeing some early memory loss and other signs.
Our parents are aging- and it is a bittersweet experience. My relationship with Dad is cordial, but distant. He's very much living in present tense and happy. He has a warm, loving girlfriend and her extended family including her great-granddaughter. Life just didn't deal the cards we hope they will, but he's a great example of making every day count.
When asked how I felt about the new year, my answer was disconnected. My resolution is to reconnect. And figure out how to make my days count for something more important than moping in my own tar pit.
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