Is it over yet?

New Years Eve 2012

Well the world in general didn't end, but my world certainly changed.   As always, my heart and thoughts turn to Mom.   Her final 2 weeks on this earth began on New Years Eve and ended on January 15, 2004.   There have been many days over this past year where I've wished I could pick up a phone or see her in person for a heart to heart.   Or a good solid kick in the ass.  She was amazing at both and always seemed to know what was required. 

I can't say I've enjoyed 2012 all that much.  

January brought an awareness that my health is precarious and that I needed to make some tough choices about where my energy was invested.

February brought frustration about my job and lack of advancement- and the slim pickings of anything to improve the situation.

March saw family begin to experience health issues.  And the realization that things were about to change in a major way. 

April brought a test of love and faith we sent Jeff off for a wonderful new job opportunity. 

May and June were a blur of hospital visits for family members, and learning to adjust to life without my brother from a different mother no longer around the corner.  And growing tension from someone I trusted and considered a friend.

July brought the passing of a dear childhood friend.  It was unexpected and Jannie left behind a beautiful, spirited little girl.   If I could turn back time and change one event, I wish I could bring her back for Rosalie.   Through the loss came a gift- an opportunity to help others in a very real, creative and unique ministry.

August brought the end of my spiritual//social network and the loss of what I thought was a good, positive friendship and a opportunity to stretch my mind in new directions.   The tearing away was brutal, coming so soon after Jannie's death and Jeffi's move. 

We weathered Sandy, the Frankenstorm from hell, picked up the pieces and then got rocked to our core on December 14th.   Newtown is our neighbor.  We got a reminder about what matters.  And a lesson in forgiving.  I"m busily crocheting monsters for the children of Sandy Hook and keeping the families close in my thoughts as I try to find something kind to do for another person every day.   I am reminded that my car accident is nothing compared to what those families are going through this holiday season.   I need to get over my aggravation and be grateful.

 On Christmas Eve, I had my first real car accident and my beloved Baloo was totaled.  The accident was scary. All I can do is be grateful that the pedestrian crossing in front of my stopped car was clear before I got rammed from  behind.   Nobody was hurt. I collected my plates, belongings and paperwork on Friday.  The autobody shop owner was kind. He didn't laugh at me when I started bawling when he put the plates in my hands.   I really don't like SUV's now.- but that didn't stop me from test driving a couple- self defense can be a good thing.   And I got a reminder that help is there- but you have to ASK for it.   My dad is amazing- he immediately took all the panic, worry, stress and fear about the replacement away.   Thanks to him, I bring home a safe, solid and reliable new car today.   I couldn't find anything that fit into the settlement check amount from the insurance company.   I know, it's just metal, glass and plastic- but I loved my Civic.   I picked her out and paid for her all on my own.   Felt like I was sending a dear friend off to the scrapheap.  Not a good feeling.

And in the midst of all that chaos, came reconnections and new opportunities to work in creative, spiritual paths.   There's a new connection with Holy Needles, the work with the Spiritual Care department in the hospital, no additional injury from the car crash and relief that once I get over my stubborn independance and ask for help, dad was there for me.   There just aren't words enough- he took all the stress, worry and panic away.

I face 2013 a changed person, some for the better some not.  There are fears to face, blessings to count, anger to release, grudges to bury, new experiences to enjoy, memories to savor and visits to anticipate.


Welcome 2013.... may you bring us peace, love, joy,  patience,  tolerance- and SUV repellant.